Comment left for a friend on Facebook in a friendly fire format in the hopes of getting him to fight for worthy causes, as opposed to weird ones he willingly whips out weakly weekly-
“ J.D. Let me step into it here for a second, please. As for box checking qualifications to speak on the topic, I am a 52 year old trans who has been "living as" for roughly 3 decades. Like 31 years lived like this during a time when the average life expectancy for someone like me was 5 years from coming out. I believe that means that I've lived 6 full trans life spans and I've learned a couple things in that time, so without further intro-
Please put the energy and effort expended in this well intended, fully honorable yet completely counter productive and misdirected activity of yours into something that may actually benefit the species as a whole. We need kind hearted people such as yourself to help support the humans, all the humans, regardless of the kind of human they happen to be.
Why do I say this? Misgendering is the least important issue facing the species at present. Well, maybe not the absolute least, but it is in a tie between it and the black- gold blue-white or whatever color dress debate. Seem like an unfair comparison? Please allow me to bullet point a few shots against choosing this activity as a life quest.
Point 1- You see, by simply following basic rules of manners and politeness, the offense <Sarcasm> of misgendering a verbal victim rarely has the opportunity to occur.
If I am in the same room as you and you are referring to me using pronouns, you are being incredibly rude, regardless of the accuracy of the application of the gendered pronouns at persons at play. The odds are, even with close friends you spend a great deal of time with, you use a pronoun for them in their presence with about the same frequency as you fart in front of them. Pronouns are verbal simplifications used when speaking about someone in 3rd person in their absence. If used in 3rd person in their presence, you are treating them as an object devoid of agency. eg- "She will have the..." or "He then decided to..." etc.
The only times you may be properly referring to me with a gender specific pronoun are times when I am not there and I have no right to demand or influence the way you speak about me when I am not around. To do so would be tantamount to thought policing, and I don't look good in that uniform. No one does. So, if anyone desires or assumes that power over you, you really do not need their control freak asses in your life and will be happier when they are far away.
Point 2- This is a really hard life to live. I mean, no one, regardless of which department they buy their clothes in, has an easy ride in this existence, but honestly, being trans is a whole other level of struggle. If someone else's words don't fall off their skin like aerosolized pathogenic virons shed and subsequently UV attenuated on a bright and oh, so sun shiny day, then they stand zero chance against the slings and arrows of completely unremarkable fortune that will be aimed in their direction every single day of the 5 years of life they can expect to suffer through.
If this is the life someone is choosing, you are doing them zero favors coddling them in the slightest. They have to get tough just to survive and I am absolutely against anyone having to live a life limited to merely survival. If you, like me, want them to thrive, they have to get historically tough... Like Stonewall tough, which regardless of which movie you watched on the topic, the actual history was that 3 trannies fought the world's 7th largest military force to a draw using only the wall they were pushed up against on the day that last straw landed.
If, by any chance, you don't believe they can be that tough, then please, and I mean this sincerely, do not support their decision to be all they can be. Tell them to stay home and live a long, peaceful life feeling the subtle disappointment of not shooting themselves at the stars, rather than the really, and I mean really really short life of shooting themselves in the foot by choosing a life they can't live up to... One in which the equal and opposite return is too much for them to take.
Let them suffer the non life threatening verbal villainy un-vicariously and alone, so that they may come up short of having to face the very very real and really really very body and soul crushing blows and ill will wind that will waft their way along with the ones who will want to hurt them.
I know you are only trying to defend them from a cruel world, but you have to stop doing that and put your efforts into making the world better, not just padding a little bit of it for a select subgroup that resides in it.
Thank you for your time and understanding.”
