So right before the pandemic hit, I spent the night with a guy I'd been seeing for a while. He was great. I really liked him. We fit well together.
Anyways, as I was lying next to him in the early morning hours, you know, one of those just totally 'comfortable in the moment' moments, as he was drifting off, he asked me what I was I was thinking about.
I thought for a few seconds about our relationship and how great it was and just kind of, well, just started telling what I was thinking about at the moment he asked-
"I'm thinking I need to get like a 5 million dollar loan from wherever, you know Deutsche Bank, Russian Mob, whatever, and take the money to like New York or Chicago and rent a building in the trendy part of town. I wanna a open up like, you know, the spot. It would be a multilevel, multi dance floor night club, restaurant, bars on every floor. You know, just The Spot. I'll call it the Odder Water Daughter.."
"The Otter Water Daughter?" he asked lazily.
"No, the Odder Water Daughter. Odder with D's." I corrected.
"Ok, that's a cool name" he whispered.
I continued, "You know like put everything in to making this place the spot in town that everybody wants to be at. Great food, entertainment, staff. Serve the local celebrities for free, and the local cops as well, whenever, uniform or not. The city council, You know, grease the wheels and make it happen."
"Grease... Yeah... " He mumbled dreamily.
"Yup, be just a little bit cheaper and a little bit better than anyone else for a hundred miles in all directions. And once it's there, you know, and I'm not even worrying about ever making a dime in the place. Just to be it."
He was breathing slow and deep, but still murmuring things like "sounds fun" and "yeah" at breaks in my story.
So I went on, "Well, then on a Friday night, when the place is packed way beyond occupancy and there is a line 5 deep going all the way around the block of people just wanting to be seen there, well, then I'll set off like a thermobaric bomb in the basement with like some thermite thrown in to kick up the heat and just detonate the whole block. Not like implosion style, I mean like geysering up the contents of a city block all over the rest of the downtown area."
I heard his breath kind of catch like we were at the movies and the plot just went dark all of a sudden. It was really cute..
"Then, as all that material, you know, and those 1,000s of lives, come raining back down onto the nearby communities as billions of bits of flaming, sizzling, people kibble and jewelry, along with all that, there will be like a 100,000 index card sized metal plates that I'd embedded in the walls and the roof of the place, each engraved with a smiley face and the words,
“Why botha?
I thought I aughta.
Your Friend,
Narata Kata
'The Odder Water Daughter Slaughterer'
PS- You, have a great weekend. Weather should be terrific for the outdoors."
I gave him a kiss on his neck, rolled over and drifted off to sleep as the sun rose.
When I woke up, he was already gone. What really sucks is that I haven't actually heard from him since. I guess I shouldn't bitch. I'm sure the pandemic fucked up all kinds of relationships for most everyone.
Damn, I'll be glad when this shit is over and we can get on with our lives and try to rebuild our dreams.