For Count Metalmind. This one’s for you
Revelations Chapter 22, verses 14 - 16:
“Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.
“I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star.”
“Blessed are those who’ve washed their robes.
They’ll eat from the tree, wear heavenly clothes.
They’ll enter the city through gates open wide.
In peace and joy they’ll forever reside,
but outside are liars, the wicked and vain.
The ones who chose sin and stayed in their pain.”
“I, Jesus, have said the word unto you.
A message of hope that’s faithful and true.
I am the Root. David’s own Son.
The bright Morning Star. The Risen One.”
Notice the jump scare at the end? The oddity in all this? Jesus proclaims himself to be the Morning Star, but everyone who has ever studied Christian Theology (or happened to see the show Lucifer) should be aware that Lucifer is the Morning Star. So what gives?
Here’s my theory. The Devil (Not God) gave John (Not the disciple, the whirling dervish dude.) the vision of the future. I mean, he signs off in it, but being the Devil, he can not create anything. Not even a glimpse of the end times and judgement day.
What can he do? Well, I think he can warp John into a Walmart electronics department on Black Friday between the late 90’s and 2010. Why am I being so oddly specific on the date window? Well, everything John sees and tries to explain can be easily witnessed in that specific store department on those specific days. Please bear with me while I prove that point starting with the highest choir of angels, the seraphim.
From Revelations Chapter 4-
In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and in back. The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle. Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying:“
‘Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty,’
who was, and is, and is to come.”
He is describing the Seraphim which are better described in Isiah Chapter 6
In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”
The Seraphim, or burning ones (I’ll explain that shortly) do have a real world counter part known to American football fans the world over as the Turducken. John Madden’s culinary curse to the world.
It is where a misguided culinary artist shoves a duck up a chicken’s ass, then takes the unfortunate newlyweds and shoves both of them up a turkey’s ass. This real world version of the human centipede is then further stuffed, then fried or baked.
And of course it would be called “The Burning one.” I did point out the fried or baked options, didn’t I?
During the annual Thanksgiving Day game on Fox Sports they used to have little turducken graphics that would bounce around the screen before and after commercials, which leads me to the next contemporary understanding of John’s bewilderment- The elders who keep throwing themselves to the ground every couple minutes to “Praise God”.
How many players on each team are on the field during any down/play? 11 on each side. Add the refs and you have your average running play on 2nd down or as John put it-
Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say…
Sometimes helmets come off.
Please remember that John had been living in a cave for a while trying to induce visions from the Lord. He looked like any other homeless person who happened to wander into Walmart that day.
At some point, someone handed him a fruit roll up, gum by the foot, or other candy treat, which in Revelation 10:10 he describes as,
I took the little scroll from the angel’s hand and ate it. It tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it, my stomach turned sour.
Which, of course it would if you had been fasting for weeks and someone handed you a processed poison kid’s treat.
The Dragon? Reign of Fire was out and tattooed, shirtless Matthew McConaughey was all the rage, if I remember correctly.
Now, what could the trumpets and angels declaring events sound like? Could it be the PA system announcing stuff?
Remember that John could not speak the language and was being overwhelmed with stimuli. Of course his mind filled in the confusion with his beliefs.
Every suspicious symbol and twisted metaphor can be explained using this frame of reference. Don’t believe me? Feel free to put your doubts in the comments and I will answer your questions and concepts.
Looking forward to the challenge.
You're an idiot. Jesus was very real but he never died on the cross. He was just another God damned lying jew piece of shite.