Once, a long time ago, I was fortunate enough to hear my ex-wife try to explain my life and intentions to a curious friend.
Friend- Your ex-husband is trans?
Ex-Wife- Yup.
Friend- Why?
Ex-Wife- Gives her a reason to fight all the time.
Friend- Is he gay?
Ex-Wife- Nope. She’s just really fuckin’ mean.
I really can’t argue with that description. I mean, there are additional reasons, but she has accurately described a core part of why I do anything in this life. I follow a path of maximum resistance. If there is no one pushing against me, I go out of my way to make new enemies. When everything is going well, I become a significant danger to myself. In other words, I react to the calm by blowing up my entire world.
Being trans is a really low effort way of making sure that it will always be me against the world. Don’t get me wrong, I do suffer from gender dysphoria and a whole host of body image issues, so on the rare occasions of my life where I have had to appear as a man, I was pretty much a basket case the entire time and never particularly good at faking it.
Would I consider this a mental illness? Probably, but I also consider it a lesser one than the narcissism another must be experiencing to think they have any vote on how I should look or act. If we are tallying the mental illnesses in order to judge a person’s character, I’m going to have to point out that I have never met a sane person and do not believe that they exist on this planet. Get to know anyone well enough and you will find a pile of DSM5 eligible labels for them.
In the past, being trans meant facing a world where the occupants at best, were mildly hostile due to not understanding what I was. Then came a period of borderline acceptance that was way harder to deal with. I am far more comfortable in a room full of people who hate me than in a room full of people saying things like, “You’re so brave.” In the latter, you never know where the knife is going to come from, but make no mistake, it is coming. In the former, the attack vectors are plainly evident.
Fast forward to the present and I find myself in a really awkward position in society. I do not agree with the 5% of the trans community that has taken 100% of the visibility and attention over the last 5 years. In fact, when looking directly at the core issues as they have been presented in the public discourse, I would have to say that I am strongly, if not violently opposed to anyone submitting to any of their demands.
Men can become women. Nope. I am not a woman. I am trans. It is all after-market upgrades and there is no way for a man to become a woman medically, genetically, or mentally.
Kids should be allowed to transition. Nope. Your kid wanted to be Spiderman yesterday. Today he wants to be a woman. Let’s wait and see what he wants to be tomorrow. As a society, long ago we decided that we do not let our children make decisions that could negatively affect their entire lives. We decided this because kids are way too easily manipulated by peer pressure and their own stupidity. All humans are idiots. Kids are idiots who lack context and experience. It is worse.
Feelings are more important than civil liberties. Nope. Feelings are the least important aspects of human life. Be offended. It won’t kill you. Concepts such as forced speech and legislated honorifics will. Especially when it reaches the point that the government, you know that organization that enforces its every whim with the barrel of a gun, gets to step in as the arbiter of what is right and what is wrong in this conflict.
It is fair for trans athletes to compete against female athletes. Nope. This is the most ridiculous topic up for debate today. Are you fucking kidding me? Men are athletically superior to women. That in no way belittles women. It simply is a result of developmental hormone levels and the resulting physique. I am shocked that any trans would even suggest that it would be a fair competition, let alone go out and compete as if it is fair, then accept the unearned awards. It’s embarrassing to even be associated with those motherfuckers. A personal analogy- I mentioned that I am conflict oriented and you may have already guessed that I do view violence as a means to an end and I am comfortable with wielding it when needed. With that in mind, I have never hit a woman. I have had a few of them try to beat the shit out of me, but never struck back. Why? Because it would be inherently unfair to do so. There is no “Fight” in that fight. It would only be abuse, which I do not view as a means to anything worthwhile.
People need to accept others for what they are. Nope. We do not require acceptance to get along as a society. We require tolerance and that is really all we can really strive towards or ever hope to achieve. I define tolerance as- I am not throwing flame at you and you are not throwing flame at me. In other words- We are not trying to kill each other. That’s a great place to be and all we need to achieve to have a functioning society. Acceptance requires understanding each other and most of us don’t even understand ourselves. We have no hope of understanding and therefor accepting everyone. Thank god we can tolerate each other. That’s all we need.
I am hoping that by explaining this, I somehow inspire other trans to speak out against the absolute insanity being proposed in our name. The trans community is as diverse as the rest of society and only a small minority of it is made up of the fat assed, thin skinned, narrow minded, loudmouthed, cry babies that we see protesting everything as if they have some special right to exist in a safe, soft, warm place at the expense of the rest of the society around them.
No one has ever been secure. Both safety and security are nothing more than lies created by marketing agents trying to sell us things we don’t need for money we don’t have. We can be vigilant, but we can never be safe.
Additionally, no one has an inherent right to any way of life or lifestyle. All rights are merely those things which you are willing to fight, kill, and die for. That is what bestows rights upon us. Not a creator. Not a document. Not a body of law or men. Just our ability to view certain things as more important than either our own or any other’s life. As our rights are taken from us, they are sold for cowardice and apathy. That’s a cheap sell. It’s too bad that regaining them is only ever paid for in blood.
Very good explanation. Thanks.
Andi, thank you for this post of refreshing reality.